The Way of the AlchemistDetachment
Once you see this, letting go becomes easy
Letting go, as The Way of the Alchemist teaches it, doesn't mean giving up on what you want. It means using Radical Awareness to dissolve the fear and the grasping around it, until you're genuinely okay either way. That calmer, neutral place is where things tend to show up.
Think about what came easily
Think of something that came into your life without a fight. You probably wanted it, but you weren't desperate. In a recorded talk I put it like this: if it arrives, great. If it doesn't arrive, cool. That's the feeling to look for.
Keep the desire
People think detachment means not wanting anything. That's not what I mean. You keep wanting it. What changes is the energy around it.
The desire is still there, but now it's there as wisdom, not desperation.
Wanting versus needing
Wanting something is fine. Needing it is where the trouble starts, because needing comes from feeling like you don't have it and can't be okay without it. You can't force yourself out of needing. You can sit with the need, label it and let it soften.
Trust instead of control
A lot of grasping is really about controlling how something comes. You decide it has to be this person, this job, this month. The more you let go of the how, the more room there is for it to come in a way you didn't plan.
In my video on prayer I shared the kind of prayer I use now:
This is what I'd love. And I'm open to how it comes.
Letting go in relationships
You can miss someone from a place of love, or from fear of being alone. Most of the pain comes from the fear. Checking your phone over and over usually comes from that fear. When you sit with it, you can still care about someone without your whole day depending on them.
Why it becomes easy
Letting go feels impossible while you're trying to force it. Once you see what's underneath, the fear or the need or the lack of trust, and it dissolves, there's nothing left to hold on with. That's what I mean by letting go becoming easy. I go through it in Once You See This, Letting Go Becomes Easy.
Questions people ask me
Do I have to stop wanting it to let go?
No. Keep the desire. Letting go is about dropping the fear and the need around it, not the wanting. You can want something and still be fine if it doesn't come.
How do I know I've actually let go?
You can think about it and feel calm. If it comes, great. If it doesn't, you're okay. If you're still checking for signs every day, there's more to sit with, and that's fine.
How do I let go of a person?
Sit with what comes up when you think about them. Missing someone from love and missing someone from fear feel very different. The fearful part is the bit that keeps you stuck, and it's the bit Radical Awareness works on.
Isn't letting go just giving up?
Giving up is heavy. You stop wanting and feel defeated. Letting go is lighter. You still want it, you're open to how it comes, and you're not gripping it.